The (Real Life) Seven-Step Groom Journey

His fears, questions and doubts revealed

What most people don’t understand about engagement rings, is the experience is more about the guy than the girl. The industry focuses on the woman—what she wants and asks for—her ring of choice. But since the woman was a child she has received this messaging —through movies, Disney princesses, Barbie dolls and society talking about the dream fairy tale wedding. The wedding, and the ring, isn’t foreign to the woman.

For the guy, the ring is the most foreign thing. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to buy, and what he’s supposed to do once he actually does get it. This experience goes under-discussed. Men flounder in confusion, spending way more than they can afford out of fear of getting it wrong and diving into helpless google searches seeking answers. This post is for any person on the giving-end of the engagement ring process. If you’re LBGTQ, we see you. We got you. The process isn’t any different, love is love.

STEP 1: HE THINKS HE KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS
He starts out strong. Confident, even. He thinks he knows what he wants, until he starts getting into the ring buying process. Soon, he comes to terms with the fact that maybe he actually has no idea what the right ring is, and what to do with it.

STEP 2: HE REALIZES HE’S GETTING IN WAY OVER HIS HEAD
Then the fear sets in. He can get wrapped up in this fear, realizing it’s not for him it’s for someone else. At some point he realizes, oh man, I’m getting over my head with this internet thing. He may buy diamonds online in an act of confusion, google engagement rings for three hours, create a secret Pinterest board or run out of the pushy jewelry shop. He’s confused, doesn’t understand these rocks, or what to do with them, or how he got himself into this mess in the first place. He’s questioning himself, and marriage, and the jewelry business. He doesn’t know it could be fun.

STEP 3: STILL NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. VISITS JEWELRY STORE.
After getting overwhelmed with the internet and finger-shopping, a guy will come into the store. Usually, he comes in with two or three pictures—and still no idea what to do.

STEP 4: HE REALIZES IT COULD ACTUALLY BE FUN
He realizes it’s not so bad after all. He starts going through the process—eliminating, asking questions, getting questions answered, sprinkles of wisdom snuck into the process. Maybe he even gets a pat on the back and words of encouragement. With human support (aka guidance from our bridal expert John Profit) he notices he isn’t alone in this, and he knows more than he realizes. He lightens up. Laughs even. His nerves subside. He didn’t know the experience he was missing until he had it. He didn’t know it could actually be fun.

This process is different for everyone. Sometimes it’s clear what she wants, or a process of asking the right questions. Other times we’re just there for moral support, to say, “bubba you got this!”

STEP 5: HE BECOMES A PART OF THE BRIDAL EXPERIENCE
We’re here to get the guys to realize—in getting it right—the experience is important. A computer is never going to ask you the questions, and you’re never going to give it the right answers. The truth of what’s best for you can hide behind a screen. Just think of all the quizzes you lied to—giving the answer you wanted to be true, versus your honest reality. The bridal experience is going through the process of finding the right ring.

STEP 6: HE GETS PERMISSION TO DO IT HIS WAY
The other part of the experience, is that sometimes we tell people it’s okay—we give them permission to not change a thing. One recent groom just needed to know what he had was perfect, as it is. He may have tried to make it perfect by changing it. But the meaning of the ring was actually exactly how it was, without changing a thing. One of the things that separates us from most jewelry shops is that most people would’ve sold him a $350 band, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as powerful as the ring he gave her. Sometimes, we’re here to help you get to the bottom of your confusion. This doesn’t always mean buying something new, or the most expensive thing. Usually, it’s the opposite.

STEP 7: RECEIVES WORDS OF WISDOM. GETS EXCITED.
Who do grooms-to-be talk to about this moment? Their best friend who blacked out during their own proposal & don’t remember a thing? Their mom, who wanted them to get married ten years ago? Their tattoo artist whose never had a girlfriend? Sometimes you actually don’t need a ring, or to buy anything sparkly. Often, words of wisdom, encouragement and affirmation are what’s needed most. You won’t find this in a google search. But you will find it in human connection. We’re here for that too.

Don’t worry grooms, you got this. We’re here for you in every step of this confusing, fun, exciting ride.